Saturday, October 24, 2009

Men...Oh! Pause...

     We're in the mountains for the weekend, it's 38 degrees, the forecast calls for snow flurries tomorrow, and I'm standing out on the deck stripped down to a tee-shirt, dripping like I just walked out of a sauna.  Pop, Gans, and Sissey are all inside, wrapped up in blankets on the couch, huddled before the fireplace, watching Wheel of Fortune while drinking hot chocolate.
     Me? I'm out in the dark staring back in through the fogged up window. Just standing out on the deck, staring up at the billions of stars visible in the clear, autumn sky, desperately trying to lower my internal thermostat.  I watch my breath turn to smoke as it crystallizes in the chilly night air, my body hotter than a stoked furnace, and I'm wondering why only women have to experience some of life's greatest mysteries...pregnancy, nesting syndrome, child birth, empty nest syndrome, PMS,... we survive making babies, having babies, raising  babies, missing babies,  finally thinking we're going to survive it all, when WHAM! The next milestone comes along, and we're back to square one,  furiously fanning away while trying to figure out how to get through life's next big change.
     Meanwhile, the men are just dog-paddling through life,  having little more to deal with than squeaky voices, pimples,  and facial hair. The biggest problem they face through all of life's changes is hair....either excesses where they don't want it, or shortages where they do.  Why don't they have to deal with all the woes of mood swings, hormonal imbalances, swollen body parts, exhaustion, and emotional upheavals that are dealt to the female member of the species? Why, why, why? Why not them? Why not men...Oh, pause....
    What am I thinking....they're MEN. M.E.N...the less defined specimen, two letters short of a woman.
    MEN:  Definition: Man with no woe; incapable of dealing with stress, emotional upheaval, distorted body parts, or any type of syndrome; prone to sports; genetically predisposed to competitive behavior; able to make some vocal sounds but not capable of complex language or speech; more agressive, but less evolved than the superior, more advanced species, Woman.
     Men..oh, pause. I'll have to  reflect more on those creatures after I get through this hot flash.

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