Wednesday, September 8, 2010

STST, Inc.

     South Carolina is home to a major income-producing industry which has locations strategically placed throughout the state.  This industry is not publicized  and is not well-known outside of the pie-shaped borders of South Carolina, but it is a thriving business that generates massive amounts of revenue.   The residents of South Carolina are well-aware of this venture, however, and quietly spread word about it to family and friends travelling through town, alerting all about the potential to invest in STST.

    The industry, STST,  is an efficient, coordinated, well-run business that was once headquartered in the small mill village of Carlisle, SC.. This obscure little town of no stop-lights and one gas station claimed a short stretch of road heavily travelled by logging trucks, back-road tourists, and I-26 commuters. Barrelling down Highway 72,  you suddenly entered the  town limits of Carlisle and had about 2 seconds to slam on the brakes, slow down, and go from 55 to 35. If you failed to yield in a timely fashion,  you would politely receive an invitation to join the local STST. For many, many years, Carlisle tightly held the reins as the central headquarters of the STST.
       But times change, and trends come and go, and I believe now that the current central office is  placed somewhere within the county of Chester, quite possibly in the community of Fort Lawn, but definitely somewhere along the stretch of road called Highway Nine.
     The STST, doing buisness as Small Town Speed Traps, Inc., is a franchise located all along the highways and byways of the state.  It is hard to find an actual STST office, but believe me, one will find you even when you aren't looking.  Usually, you discover an STST location quite by accident, when an officer of the franchise suddenly bursts out of nowhere and pulls you over for a little informative discussion with the intent of persuading you to invest in the company. These meetings ALWAYS, ALWAYS end with you making an investment, although the rate of return for the investor is usually minimal. 
     Now, you may ask how I know so much about STST, Inc. I am, naturally, an investor, as are many of the residents, visitors, and commuters up and down the roads of South Carolina.  I have in the past purchased stock in STST, for which I was issued a citation and invited to a meeting in a local courthouse. A rather odd place to hold an investor's meeting, one would think, but it does lend an air of formality to the occasion. It is also rather interesting to meet the other investors and believe me, you just wouldn't believe how many people have invested in the company, a sure-tell sign that it is a thriving business.
      The territory of one officer of the STST franchise is situated on the long straight road between Chester and Fort Lawn.  He is a bold and aggressive employee, diligently seeking potential investors as they roar through town, determined  no visitor will leave unaware of the opportunity to invest in the local STST. His office is fairly well hidden, somewhere behind a dip in the road, some bushes,  and an old cow gate.  He recruits so many potential investors that His Honor the Judge (aka CEO of the Corporation)  has awarded this faithful employee with his own personal  section in his courtroom- the site of the weekly stockholder's meeting. There, the officer gathers all his interested investors together for an informative discussion with the CEO, afterwhich they are allowed to submit their cash investments.  I know this to be true, because my father told me so when he was invited to one such  meeting after doing 65 in a 55, which was not bad for a man who is 75.  For about $95.00, he was allowed to invest in the local STST.
      Now, only in South Carolina will you find signs warning, I mean announcing, that you are about to become part of one of it's leading industries.  You just have to love a state like this, so genteel and polite, so well-mannered and friendly, so gracious in allowing visitors and strangers the opportunity to invest in one of it's leading  industries. In Fort Lawn-- the current headquarters of STST-- one caring citizen has invested his own personal time and money to install a sign promoting the local STST. He wants to make sure the STST is an equal opportunity employer, bless his little heart, and that everyone is aware of their potential to become an investor. I always slow down just to read his sign, because I think it's the polite thing to do, plus I  want to show him my appreciation for his thoughtfulness.  Although I have not yet been asked to join the Fort Lawn STST, I am sure that one day I will receive an invitation.  As I said, you just have to love a state like this.
      I am a firm supporter of the local STST's.  I usually make a contribution on an annual basis. They allow anyone to become an investor, do not discriminate based on age, race, gender, or physical ability, do not unfairly tax one group as opposed to another, and they are open for business 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, in rail, hail, sleet or snow.  You can't beat that for employee dedication.
      So be sure to come on down for a visit-- and don't miss out on an opportunity to invest in a thriving business.  After all, in today's economy, you have to look long and hard to find a company that's still turning a profit. STST just might be the only business in town that's still booming and still accepting investors.
 Cash only, please. No personal checks, debit cards, credit cards, money orders, IOU's, or other forms of payment accepted. Investors have 30 days to remit funds. Unpaid balances must be remitted in person at the local county jail. Please bring valid personal ID. Leave all personal possessions behind. No cell phones, concealed weapons, explosives, curlers, small children, pets, or tobacco products allowed on the premises. Limit one per customer while supplies last.

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